At times in relationships trust can be broken, creating feelings of resentment and the inability to intimately connect with your spouse. Reasons for broken trust in relationships vary; infidelity, broken promises, addictive behaviors, withholding intimacy, and many others are causes of broken trust in relationships. The fear of putting in the work to rebuild the relationship and trust being broken again can cause us to create barriers in our attempts to rebuild trust. We can become hyper-focused on “red flags” that we neglect to identify the attempts to repair. Anxiety-provoking thoughts send us into a downward spiral of disparaging questions like “Is this relationship worth it” or “If they really loved you they wouldn’t have broken your trust in the first place, do they really deserve a second chance”?
We would love to have concrete answers to these emotionally paralyzing questions, but the truth is the answers to these questions depend on the individuals in the relationship. Can we rebuild trust in a relationship after it has been broken or damaged? Of course, but it takes the commitment of both individuals to make that happen.
As therapists, we are equipped with a plethora of interventions that aid in rebuilding trust; however, you must begin by searching yourself and deciding to choose the relationship and commit to the work of rebuilding the trust. Are you ready to forgive? And what does that forgiveness look like? Can we take accountability for transgressions of the relationship and be open to empathetically processing the hurt feelings of the relationship? If so, how do we do that? Here are some tips for how we can assess our willingness to recommit to the relationship and how we can move toward rebuilding trust.
Tips For Rebuilding Trust:
1. Allow yourself time and space to process the emotions that you feel surrounding broken trust.
2. Process what forgiveness would look like for you and what you need from the relationship to feel emotionally safe.
3. Practice expressing your emotions with clear communication rather than harmful actions/behaviors.
4. Develop relational boundaries with your spouse/partner to ensure situations of broken trust are reduced.
5. Create a safe space for positive communication and emotional safety.
6. Take accountability for hurtful actions and words without excuse-making or gaslighting.
7. Be open to having difficult conversations about points of broken trust.
8. Be honest about the betrayal.
9. Refrain from defensiveness.
10. Take time to evaluate questions and answers to ensure they are going to assist in rebuilding emotional connectivity and trust.
And always know you can seek professional help to assist in processing the emotional needs of the relationship.
Rebuilding trust takes time and consistent effort to reconnect through empathy and forgiveness. Both partners consistently prioritizing the relationship will provide the avenue for you to develop the relationship you both desire through rebuilt trust and intimate connection. The tips above provide practical steps that can be taken to rebuild trust and assist you and your partner in rebuilding your relationship.
Written By Micah Wyatt, Ms, LMFT-A
All through April we are highlighting resources around Affair Recovery. If you or a loved one need professional support, our counselors at Mathews Counseling are available for appointments. Request to book today!
