Grief: Why it can be so hard to move forward after a loss.
There is no denying the emotional and physical toll grief takes on us. For many people, experiencing the loss of a loved one or a significant life change can lead to feelings of grief that never seem to resolve fully. This can lead us to feel stuck, and disconnected, have bottled-up emotions over time, or develop depression or anxiety. And even though grief is a process and a journey that sticks with us as we grow, sometimes people may feel like they haven’t found a way to move forward or fully accept a loss after a long period. We may feel frustrated with ourselves or others or trapped in that loss. For the most part, people work through their grief in ways that allow them to eventually be at peace with the loss and adapt to a new way of living. However, many things about loss can make this process even more difficult and taxing.
Some of the challenges of working through grief are the act of acceptance and coping with overwhelming emotions. Certain things about the loss or major life changes can make these processes feel impossible to work through. For example, losses that are unexpected or sudden in nature can make the grief processing more painful. Losses that stem from a situation that particularly feels unfair, around important dates of the year (like holidays, birthdays), or involve someone we may have complicated or dependent relationships with can lead to more anguish. The nature of the loss can also impact our grief process, such as an accident, prolonged medical causes if violence is involved, or there are “unknowns” about how the loss happened. Lack of clarity in particular can make it more difficult to accept the loss, both emotionally and intellectually. Experiencing multiple losses sequentially or having a lack of support may force us to “put the grief on hold” leading to extra bottled up or numbing of emotions. Losses that don’t align with what we expect to happen in life, such as a parent losing a child, can also intensify grief. People may feel displaced guilt, a loss of faith or spirituality, or try to avoid coping with the grief altogether.
While these are some of the reasons it may be additionally hard to work through grief, there are ways to heal and work through even the most challenging of losses. Identifying our needs is one step we can take, as well as identifying what gets in the way of acceptance and mourning the loss. Allowing ourselves to feel the range of emotions that inevitably come up and finding ways to adapt to moving forward is an ebb-and-flow process. Sometimes we may need additional support for experiencing grief, but there is a way forward, even when we don’t feel like there is in the moment.
Written By Elizabeth Pugliese, Licensed Mental Health Associate, Licensed Clinical Addiction Specialist Associate
All through March we are highlighting resources around grief. Our 6-week in-person Moving Through Grief Group starts April 11th, 2023. Registration is now open but space is limited.
