Have you ever set a goal—starting a business, prioritizing your health, deepening a relationship—only to feel an invisible force pulling you in the opposite direction? That force is internal resistance, and it’s something we all experience.
Resistance can manifest in relationships as well. One partner may crave emotional closeness while the other avoids vulnerability. One might dream of adventure, while the other longs for stability. When left unaddressed, this push-and-pull dynamic can lead to frustration, disconnection, and emotional distress.
Unfortunately, most people try to bulldoze through resistance or deny it altogether, only to end up feeling stuck, discouraged, or dissatisfied when they finally achieve what they thought they wanted. But what if resistance isn’t something to fight? What if it’s an important message from an unresolved part of yourself?
Why Does Resistance Show Up?
Resistance is often tied to past pain. It signals a part of us that feels unhealed, scared, or uncertain. Instead of dismissing it, we must learn to lean into it, listen, and understand its origins.
For example, imagine losing your job and feeling unmotivated to apply for new positions. While others may see this as laziness or avoidance, the truth is likely deeper—perhaps rooted in fear of failure or past experiences of rejection. The more you pressure yourself to “fix” the issue, the more stuck you become. Sound familiar?
The key is to stop resisting the resistance and instead, get curious about it.
How to Work Through Resistance
If resistance is keeping you stuck, here are practical steps to work with it rather than against it:
Recognize resistance in the moment. Notice when you feel blocked and identify the ways you try to avoid it (distraction, numbing, overthinking).
Pause the urge to “fix” it. Instead of immediately pushing yourself toward action, sit with the discomfort for a while. Give yourself permission to be in limbo.
Get curious about your resistance. Ask yourself:
•What valid reasons do I have for feeling resistant?
•What am I protecting myself from?
•What unresolved pain is surfacing?
•Is my resistance trying to warn me about something real, or is it fear from the past?
Practice emotional presence. Try mindfulness techniques like Emotional Vipassana or the Voo sound practice, which encourage sitting with emotions instead of changing them. Seek support from a trusted person who can hold space for you.
Acknowledge your coping strategies. Write down the ways you’ve tried to push through resistance—whether it’s numbing through food or alcohol, forcing positivity, or criticizing yourself. Awareness is the first step toward change.
Give resistance a voice. In a quiet space, breathe deeply and welcome the resistance. Say, “I am fully present with you.” Observe the sensations in your body without judgment. If numbness arises, sit with that too.
Ask what resistance needs to let go. Often, repeating this process over time helps resistance loosen its grip. Healing takes patience, and that’s okay.
The Hidden Wisdom of Resistance
Resistance is often tied to fear—sometimes real, sometimes conditioned from past wounds. But when we take the time to explore it, we gain clarity.
For example, someone hesitant to commit in a relationship may discover that their fear stems from past heartbreak rather than their current partner. Or they may realize their intuition is alerting them to red flags in their relationship. In either case, working through resistance helps us align with our truth.
Ignoring resistance doesn’t make it disappear—it just buries our personal truth even deeper. But when we acknowledge and explore it, we make space for healing, growth, and authentic decision-making.
So the next time you feel resistance, pause. Listen. What is it trying to tell you?
By Marcelina Grynechko, LMFT
Marcelina Grynechko is a therapist with Mathews Counseling. You can learn more about Marcelina here.
All March, we are focusing our blog series around Black History Month and Strengthening Bonds and Building Healthy Relationships. You can find the series here:
Part 1: Boundaries in Relationships: Why They Matter and How to Set Them
Part 2: We All Need Each Other: Why It’s Okay to be “Needy” Sometimes
Part 3: Breaking Free: How to Work with Internal Resistance
Part 4: How to Strengthen Your Bond with Your Teen Through Validation
