Have you ever faced something in your life that made you feel scared or extremely worried? It could be a situation where a physical or verbal altercation with another person might occur, or it could be something like giving a big, important speech to a large group of people. Usually in situations like these, there are some common things most of us experience: increased heart rate, faster breathing, and body/muscle tension, as well as other possible things, but those tend to be the most common. These physical cues are our body telling us that there is a threat toward us of some kind. It is our body telling us we must act and do something about it immediately. This is where the concept of “fight or flight” comes into play. The physical changes someone experiences when they are faced with something scary is considered the “fight or flight response.” Your body is saying “Hey, there’s a threat, what are we going to do?”
Many people reading may have heard of “fight or flight” before, but what is it, really? The history of fight or flight goes back a very long time with our ancestors trying to figure out how to deal with different threats that they ran into during their days. When they experienced one of those threats, their bodies would pick up on that and start reacting to the threat with the bodily changes we mentioned already, such as rapid breathing, increased heart rate, etc. When our ancestors felt those bodily and mental changes, they knew they were in a situation where they had to quickly decide whether they were going to stay and fight or if they were going to flee, with the goal being to survive the encounter. Back then, this could have been another person or group of people making the threat, or even an aggressive animal. These days, our fight or flight tends to come up less with physical threats and more with mental threats, like giving that really important speech to a group of people. Although it helped our ancestors survive, fight or flight these days can feel like it’s holding you back from doing important things effectively. So what do we do about it when it happens?
If you feel like you usually struggle with “fight or flight” situations, here are some ways that can help you come out of them more successfully:
1. Try to maintain deep, steady breathing. There is an overwhelming amount of research and data that supports deep breathing being able to make a substantial difference in how someone deals with “fight or flight.” If the “fight or flight” response is causing increased breathing, it makes sense that slowing down and deepening your breathing would help to alleviate some of the mental distress that is happening. Not only should this be used during a “fight or flight” encounter, but also before you enter a space that you know could result in the experience of “fight or flight.” If, for example, you know you are going to be giving a big speech in front of many people in 30 minutes, it would be a good idea to proactively start practicing deep breathing and maintain it until and during the speech.
2. Recognize and rationalize your patterns. Keeping track and being mindful of your patterns with “fight or flight” can help you plan for and deal with it better in the future when it occurs. If, for example, you notice that your body gives you those physical cues of distress due to “fight or flight” every time you and your partner disagree, understanding what you perceive as a threat can help you understand how to mentally work through it and how to plan for it better. Is the threat that a fight might occur between you and your partner due to disagreement? If so, how come? Is this due to communication obstacles between the two of you? Is this a response to past trauma with an ex-partner? Is it something else entirely? Understanding the perceived threat helps you identify ways to improve it.
3. Try to accept yourself and be patient. It is important to remember that the “fight or flight” experience is something almost every person experiences. It is not a sign of a major shortcoming or issue. Being hard on yourself or focusing too much on your “fight or flight” response when it occurs can end up making it worse. When you experience the fight or flight” response and end up worrying about experiencing it, it tends to make the response last even longer and feel more severe. We all experience “fight or flight” many times throughout our lives and it is part of being human. Try your best to practice kindness and patience with yourself.
Understanding your “fight or flight” response can help you understand yourself better as a person and can help you change your behaviors in situations that typically cause you a lot of fear, worry, and stress. It takes time but it is an investment worth making because it is something you can use throughout your life with situations we all inevitably experience.
Written By Alan Nahle, LCSW
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