In this five part blog series, I present some exceptionally common reasons why therapy would be beneficial.
I imagine that there are those our there who face down difficult challenges as soon as they rear their ugly heads. Those who slay their dragons first thing in the morning and then spend the rest of their day leaning back and sipping lattes, laughing at the rest of us who put off dragon slaying until the last possible moment. Maybe those people exist, but I do not know many early morning dragon slayers. I certainly am not one of them.
Instead I prefer the time honored tactic of “avoid and rationalize”. I see the dragon that needs slaying, I avoid the the dragon and then I rationalize it away.
Good example: I hate going to the dentist. For me, it is a dragon sized task! I avoid thinking about it. I quickly throw away those smiling teeth cards the dentist sends you in the mail, reminding you of your impending doom/appointment. I even avoid having friends who are dentists just in case they somehow trick me into a tooth cleaning!
I then come up with all kinds of rational reasons why I cannot attend my twice a year torture sessions/cleanings. “But I am really busy and have important things in need of my time and attention”, I say to myself. “After all, all the shows on Netflix are not going to binge watch themselves.” Once or twice I might have even faked an injury to get out of going.
Before I know it, 10 years have passed and I cannot even remember my dentist’s name anymore. I rationalize some more: “At least I still brush my teeth!” And that works until there is pain. At first it is just a little mild discomfort and then I ignore it and it at times can go away. But it always comes back and builds until I cannot ignore it any longer. And then I have to find a new dentist and pretend I just moved to town, because who wants to have to explain why they haven’t gone to the dentist in 10 years. And next thing I know, my tooth is being pulled.
Like me with the dentist, many of us use the “avoid and rationalize” strategy on emotional or relational problems. They are, after all, painful and uncomfortable and avoiding them is much easier then actually dealing with them directly.
Human beings can be exceptionally creative at avoiding our problems. We cover them over with comfortable things like food, or television, or sex. We try to sweat them out in the gym or spend an extra 20 hours at work to prove we are the ones in control of our “issues”. Or we bury the pain deep down, mentally locking it away.
Although I doubt many of us would encourage a friend or family member to avoid dealing with painful emotional or relational problems, we rationalize this decision for ourselves as the best way to handle those particular problems.
“There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“What possible good can come from talking about?”
“What’s done is done.”
And those pains fester like a unfilled cavity, rotting away at us from the inside. Until eventually it overwhelms us and we find anxiety to be crippling, depression looms larger than ever, and our relationships stand on the verge of collapse. The longer we wait the bigger the problem gets.
You need therapy because problems do not get solved by avoiding them.
Here’s what therapy does instead:
1. Therapy gives you strategies that actually work. The “avoid and rationalize” strategy may be the only one you know. Therapy expands your tool belt and helps you fight smarter.
2. Therapy helps you re-size the problem. To you the problem looms so large and feels insurmountable. It feels bigger then you. Therapy can help change your perspective so that you feel bigger than the problem.
3. Therapy provides a safe place to confront these long avoided issues. It might not be safe to tackle the problem where you are. There might be many valid reasons the problem had to be avoided until now. Therapy can provide a place of safety and security to finally start to work.
4. Therapy reminds you of the strength you have to finally face those issues. Therapy, good therapy anyway, should not solve your problems for you. It should help you summon the strength you need to handle whatever life throws at you.
5. Therapy can help you discover a confidence that you can and will survive the difficulty you are facing. You are not your problems and they can be overcome. But some times you need help remembering that.
Problems and difficulty are unavoidable. Dealing with them through therapy might just help you get through them with all your teeth intact!
photo credit: Theen … Giant Teenage Feet via photopin (license)
