Conflict between friends, family members, coworkers, and romantic partners is rarely comfortable, but it is a regular part of our everyday lives. Sometimes, it feels like we get stuck in an argument, and neither person is willing to budge. Or, no matter what you do, it seems impossible to get the other person to understand your viewpoint. These unresolved conflicts can build up and foster resentment, making every subsequent conflict that much harder to deal with.
So, how do we avoid these kinds of stalemates? Nobody likes being in a standoff, waiting for the other person to back down. While we may not always be able to reach a resolution that satisfies everyone involved, ensuring that both people engaged in the argument can effectively communicate their perspectives goes a long way towards finding a conclusion. The ability to hear and be heard is the crux of all effective conflict resolution.
Hearing someone and being heard in return seems like a simple task, but it can actually be quite challenging, especially when emotions run high. In such situations, we often focus intensely on ensuring that the other person hears our point of view and forget to listen to what they have to say. If both people adopt this approach, nobody is truly being heard, and the argument goes nowhere. Here are a few simple steps to help ensure that both parties get their say, preventing conflicts from reaching a stalemate.
Stop and Listen
This step might seem obvious, but it is one of the most crucial and often overlooked in the process. When you find yourself frustrated because someone isn’t understanding your perspective, consider that they might be just as frustrated. Use this realization to break the stalemate. It’s important to genuinely consider the other person’s thoughts and feelings rather than merely waiting for your turn to respond.
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat
To make sure the other person feels heard, take a moment to repeat their argument in your own words. This indicates that you genuinely understood their point of view and gives them an opportunity to clarify any miscommunications before the conversation continues. Feeling heard often encourages the other person to listen to you in return.
Pick Your Time and Place
Arguments can happen suddenly, but if you want to ensure your perspective is heard, timing is crucial. Most people struggle with conflict resolution if they feel ambushed or trapped. Avoid bringing up arguments when either party feels caught off-guard. Choose times when both parties are relatively comfortable and prepared to engage in a conversation.
Be Aware of Tone and Volume
When we feel unheard, we might raise our voice and slow down our speech to make our point more impactful. Paradoxically, this often has the opposite effect. Yelling or aggression can cause people to shut down and become less receptive. Remaining calm and maintaining a conversational tone can help the other person open up and better understand your argument.
While conflict and arguments are natural aspects of relationships, we can strive to make our disagreements healthier and more focused on finding resolutions. Being heard and hearing others during conflicts not only makes each argument more manageable and effective but can also prevent many conflicts from escalating. Effective conflict resolution builds trust over time, as people become more confident that bringing an argument to you will lead to a resolution. Ensuring that everyone’s perspective is heard is a fundamental skill in building relationships and establishing enduring trust.
Written By Duncan Bordeaux, LCSWA
Throughout October, we are offering resources around how couples can fight well. If you or a loved one need professional support, our counselors at Mathews Counseling are available for appointments. Request your appointment today!
