Every couple needs a hello and goodbye ritual.
Two of the most important times of the day for couples happen at the beginning of the day when they part and when they come back together at night. Small daily routines of hello and goodbye help re-connect us even when the hectic pace of life pulls us apart.
The culture and time we live in require us to battle against the growing busyness in our lives. Getting time together requires thought and intention, and often we forget about the simplest and most prevalent opportunities. As a relationship ages, responsibilities and kids and mortgages and promotions and LIFE all become roadblocks to our time together.
When time together slips away, we lose that sense of being on the same team. We lose our sense of togetherness. We race through our days independent of each other, moving at different paces, completing necessary tasks, and we miss each other.
If we are not careful, our hello and goodbye rituals become disconnecting as well. One partner is up, ready, and leaving for work before the other partner has even lifted their head off the pillow. Work requirements wake us up early and keep us out late. Kids activities keep us moving as soon as we get home. Dinner is left to whoever thinks of it first. Before we know it we have gone the whole day without talking to each other.
But couples who hello and goodbye well are more successful at working as a team. That sense of team is a requirement for surviving the ups and downs of a long-term relationship. Couples who hello and goodbye well end up spending more time together overall. They also feel less threatened when their spouse wants to spend time apart. Their connection has not been depleted by living separately throughout the week. These couples also feel a higher degree of interest from their spouse, since each one is intentionally taking the time to leave and come home well.
Simple hello and goodbye rituals could include:
- Kissing goodbye before you part and kissing hello when you come back together
- 10 minutes together over coffee in the morning
- Wine time on the back porch when you both get home
- Leaving short notes for the other person if you have to leave before they are awake
- Discussing the day’s plans over breakfast
- Showering together in the morning
- Working out together in the morning or in the evening
- Calling each other during your commute (Keep it handsfree please!)
- Planning your evening together when you get home.
Leaving on the same page starts our day together. Coming back rituals grounds us back in our together. And together weathers a multitude of relational storms.
If you and your partner are struggling to get time together or feel you’re not on the same page, we’d love to help. We strive to make the first step into counseling the easiest and offer a risk-free initial appointment where we help you determine which of our amazing therapists would be a good fit for you. If you are not completely satisfied, you owe nothing and we will even help you get connected with a therapist outside our practice.
You can schedule online at any time at mathewscounseling.net or give us a call Monday through Friday at 919-587-8018.