Have you ever been told to savor every moment of early childhood because it’s supposedly the best time of your life? This advice seems to be thrown at parents from all directions, and it can make you wonder if all the other seasons of parenthood are doomed to be terrible. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard the advice to cherish every moment of early childhood, I’d easily be a millionaire. From the moment I announced my pregnancy to now, with my son approaching two and a half years old and my bonus son at six, everyone—from family and friends to strangers and co-workers—has been telling me that this season of my life is the greatest and that I should savor every minute of it. I understood that what they meant was, “I thought it was tough back then, but dealing with older children’s challenges makes me appreciate the earlier days.” It’s the classic “hindsight is 20/20” logic, and I can’t deny its truth. But it does make me wonder: can every season be the best season? And do all seasons inevitably turn into something terrible?
The truth is, there isn’t one “best” season of parenthood.
Just like the changing seasons in nature, each phase has its ups and downs, its advantages and disadvantages. Spring and summer bring sunshine and outdoor activities, but they also bring bugs, sunburn, and sweat. Fall and winter offer pumpkin spice and cozy feelings, but they also mean bundling up, navigating icy roads, and dealing with crowded shopping experiences. Despite the challenges, we can still find joy in our favorite season and look forward to its arrival. Similarly, finding joy in parenting is about discovering the positives in each stage.
So how can you find joy in the chaos of early childhood? The answer lies in a simple acronym: CONNECT. Think about what makes your favorite season special—there are connections to cherished activities, foods, and memories. The early childhood years are no different. Establishing connections with your little ones is crucial, not just for them, but for you as a parent. Your connection with your child significantly influences how you show up in your relationship with them. So, if you want to find joy in these early childhood years, consider the following characteristics of connecting:
C – Consider your assumptions. Pause and reflect on any assumptions you might be making about your child based on your own adult experiences. Try to see the world through their eyes and understand their perspective. To them, a nap might mean missing out on the fun or being separated from you. By empathizing with their experience, you can create a beautiful connection.
O – Okay, their feelings and your own. Observe and validate their feelings. It’s okay for both you and your child to feel upset. Building emotional safety involves recognizing and acknowledging these emotions. Take a moment to regulate your own emotions and model healthy coping mechanisms. Guide your child in responding to their emotions in healthier ways rather than focusing solely on their behavior.
N – Notice and appreciate their positive qualities. As parents, we often find ourselves correcting our children more than acknowledging their strengths. Strive for a balance between redirection and recognition of their good behaviors. If you see your child doing something well, let them know. Sharing positive observations about them with others can make them feel seen and loved.
N – Nurture non-lecturing communication. While teaching valuable lessons is important, maintaining a balance is key. Imagine having someone in your life who constantly lectures you on what to do and how to do it. Children also need conversations that are fun and engaging. Create space for open dialogue, allowing your child’s voice to be heard and valued.
E – Engage in their interests. Start by finding common ground with your child. Whether it’s arts and crafts, outdoor activities, or cooking, participate in age-appropriate activities together. Find ways to involve them in your interests and show genuine interest in theirs. By stepping into their world, you can deepen the connection and create joyful moments.
C – Carve out dedicated time. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by daily responsibilities and believe that you don’t have time for your little ones. However, quality time is what they truly desire. They want your undivided attention while doing something they enjoy. Just 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time can make a significant difference.
T – Trust yourself. Remember, you are enough as a parent. Your child wants to spend time with you and know that you are present and engaged. Trust your instincts and embrace your unique journey through parenthood. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. Believe in your ability to create meaningful connections with your children and find joy in the early childhood years.
So, let go of the pressure to identify a single “best” season of parenting. Embrace the ever-changing seasons of parenthood, each with its joys and challenges. By connecting with your children using the principles of CONNECT, you can uncover the beauty and happiness that lie within the early childhood years. Cherish the moments, big and small, and create memories that will last a lifetime.
In the end, the true essence of finding joy in the early childhood years is not about chasing a perfect season, but about embracing the imperfectly perfect moments of connection, growth, and love that unfold before you. So go forth, dear parents, and embark on this incredible journey, knowing that the joy you seek is right there within your reach. Embrace the present, celebrate the seasons, and find joy every step of the way. Happy parenting!
Written By Kimberly Daley, LMFTA
All through June we are highlighting resources around Finding Joy in Parenting. If you or a loved one need professional support, our counselors at Mathews Counseling are available for appointments. Request to book today!
