This is part one in our three-part Pride Month series.
Who am I?
This is a question we don’t often stop to ask ourselves. And when we do, it can be distressing to realize that who we thought we were no longer feels like it fits who we are today, especially when questions like that apply to our sexual orientation and gender identity. Though adolescence is developmentally a time when many begin to explore their sense of self, people from all walks of life can experience this identity questioning at any age. For some, there might be a specific event or encounter that prompts the questioning, while others might experience a pervasive sense of stress or discontentment that leads to self-examination in a variety of ways. Some might simply have never had the opportunity to safely explore their identity and are finally in a secure enough place in life to focus on finding themselves. The sense of confidence and contentment that comes with being able to live authentically is the destination you reach in a fulfilling journey of self-discovery.
Whatever prompted you to start on this journey exploring your identity in the LGBTQ+ community, the freedom to explore can be overwhelming and intimidating. It can be hard to know where and how to start, how to even begin finding the words for the feelings you have, or what introspective questions to consider. You may not feel like you have anyone you can talk to or nobody who would understand. For those who already find it difficult to handle change, this process presents even more compounding challenges. These barriers can be daunting and halt any exploration before you even start. It can feel like you’ve missed your boarding call and it’s too late now to start. But you aren’t just a passenger; this is YOUR ship. You can start and end your journey wherever you feel comfortable, and you never have to do it alone. Here are a few ways to find your launching point and begin exploring your LGBTQ+ identity:
Explore Terminology & Labels
With all the labels and abbreviations in the world of sexual orientation and gender identity, it can be helpful to browse through an LGBTQ+ glossary even before looking into other resources. This can be a good starting point because it gives you a chance to try on different labels and see what fits with how you feel. Does “pansexual” feel more right than “bisexual”? How do you feel about the term “queer”? This not only begins to give you the words to describe your feelings and identity but also can connect you with more specific literature and content. If the definition of asexual sparks something in you, that could point you toward exploring podcasts, blog posts, and Q&A videos on asexuality that provide you even more clarity. Like trying on sweaters in a store: if it doesn’t fit, then take it off until you find something that just feels like you.
As good of a starting point as it can be, labels are not the end-all-be-all answer to feeling like you’ve got your identity figured out. Maybe there are pieces of multiple different labels that speak to you. Or maybe what seems to fit on paper doesn’t feel quite right when you start watching a related YouTube channel. You are unique, and your experience with queerness is going to be just as unique. Nobody else’s journey is going to match yours exactly, so don’t feel like you have to label yourself just for the sake of labeling.
Glossary of Terms
https://www.lgbtqiahealtheducation.org/glossary/
Explore Your Own Biases and Internalized Stereotypes
Whether we realize it or not, we all take in different messages throughout our lives on what’s “the right way” and “the wrong way” to be. Likewise, we may have certain images or criteria for what we perceive as fitting with specific labels. However, when it comes to the performance or presentation of gender identity and sexual orientation, there are no rules. How we outwardly express ourselves and even the pronouns we use don’t equate to how we identify. If you catch yourself feeling surprised by the author bio picture on a non-binary blog post or thinking, “I’d have to grow out my hair if I identify as transgender, right?”, those might be some of your personal biases and stereotypes peeking through and confining you to a restricting set of standards.
Give yourself time and space to question preconceived ideas about what you can and can’t do. Be curious and open-minded! There’s an endless world of possibilities out there without constraining yourself to what has been done or what others have told you. As rigid and concrete as our thoughts and beliefs may seem, we all have the capacity to change and grow at any stage of our lives.
Explore LGBTQ+ Events
After getting a little direction by exploring labels and virtual content, looking into LGBTQ+ events near you can be a great way of connecting with the community. Being around people you can relate to during an uplifting celebration creates opportunities for many powerfully positive experiences, especially if you feel like there aren’t many or any people in your life that you can talk to about your gender identity and sexual orientation. Having a support system around you is always important, especially when you feel like you’re stepping outside your comfort zone and looking for spaces to be your authentic self. To be able to engage in your identity exploration, it’s important to set boundaries with people who might bring negativity or judgment into your journey while at the same time nurturing relationships that allow you to feel seen, heard, and encouraged as you work to find yourself.
Events of all kinds, ranging from 21+ to family-friendly, take place all throughout LGBT Pride Month in June. You can look into the events highlighted by your local LGBTQ+ centers and organizations, but also many small businesses have their own form of celebrating during June. And LGBTQ+ events aren’t just limited to Pride Month: celebrations, festivals, inclusive events, and activities take place all year long. It doesn’t have to be June to take pride in who you are and connect with your community.
LGBT Center of Raleigh
https://www.lgbtcenterofraleigh.com/calendar
LGBTQ Center of Durham
Apex Pride Festival
https://www.apexnc.org/1605/Pride-Festival
Cary Pride Month
https://www.carync.gov/recreation-enjoyment/events/special-events/pride-month
Exploring your LGBTQ+ identity is a process, not a race. Give yourself some grace and patience as you take the time to sit with some tough questions. Trying new labels on and trying out different forms of expression can feel awkward, but flexibility is your friend and baby steps help you feel less overwhelmed as you embark on your journey.
By: Hannah Demello, LCSWA
Hannah Demello is a therapist at Mathews Counseling. She currently taking new clients but space is limited. Request your appointment today! Learn more about Hannah here.
