By: Micah Wyatt
Discussing difficult topics such as sexual desires, insecurities, likes, and dislikes in marriage can be difficult. We desire that our partners love and adore us and see us for the people we want to be for them and our families. But what happens when my insecurity shows up in our relationship? How do we navigate the difficulty of communicating our truest feelings in a way that can be accepted, validated, and heard?
We have to create spaces in our marriage that provide us the opportunity to be vulnerable without judgment. As of late, I have noticed couples struggle to communicate their feelings resulting in resentment, poor intimacy, and reduction in quality time spent with one another. This lack of communication often leads to feelings of neglect and loneliness, creating increased amounts of distance between us and our spouses.
I recently had a couple struggling with communicating about their intimacy. The husband felt as though he was not able to satisfy his wife while the wife felt rejected and unattractive. The conversation around the desires of intimacy and their expectations of one another had been mute. The fear of not satisfying or not being enough created a barrier that prevented this couple from having this much-needed conversation about their marital intimacy. After a few alterations in their communication, they were able to change the course of their marriage regarding intimacy. Feeling seen, heard, and free to express how you feel can break us past the initial perceptions of relationship development and allow us to enjoy the people we love in ways we may not have considered before.
Here are a few tips that may help you along the way:
Tip 1: Listen to understand rather than to give a response. We have to allow our partner’s space to communicate what they are feeling uninterrupted to ensure that we are gaining a clear understanding of what is being communicated. Inquire about the feelings being conveyed through communication that you may misunderstand or misinterpret to promote understanding over response.
Tip 2: Use your non-verbal language (i.e. slight touches of the hand, consistent eye contact, etc) to demonstrate that you are present in the moment and want to hear and understand what your partner has to say and what they may be feeling.
Tip 3: Don’t shy away from the emotions you may feel in these moments. If the conversation moves you and your partner to share a cry together, allow yourselves to be present enough in that moment to share the whole moment. Sharing the feelings of these moments deepens the connection between us and grows our bond!
Successful communication in marriage feels validating, freeing, and provides the space for us to be individuals but also operate as one unit within the marriage. We can then begin to explore the thoughts and feelings that would normally go unaddressed. We can begin to see each other for the person we are and not just our spouse.
Take these tips with you into your next difficult conversation! Happy communicating!
